Thursday, September 16, 2010

What Did You Say Seriously

Okay, so in thinking about what to blog about first, (as men tend to do many stupid things), a friend of mine and I were having a conversation about her recent night out. She had gone out to party with some friends and ended up sitting near a group of obviously too drunk guys. As if having to listen to their nonsensical conversation wasn’t bad enough on it’s own, two of the guys had taken notice of my friend and her group of gal pals. At one point, while the girls are ignoring the stuff the guys are saying, one stumbles up to my friend, looks her square in the eye, and boldly asks “Hey, baby, wanna lock crotches and swap gravy?” My friend just stood there speechless, taking in what had just been said to her before looking at him in disgust, politely turning him down, and turning her back to him. After mumbling a few incoherent words, he moved on to harass other women through-out the night.

She is telling me this and I begin to feel really bad for her. I do not miss the single scene one bit.  I mean, single has its advantages of course. No answering to anyone. If there is a mess, you know its because you made it. No picking up after stuff that doesn’t belong to you. I’m sure there are many more perks to it, it’s just been so long since I was single for any length of time that I really don’t remember. I do, however, remember the downside to trying to find a good guy to date and all the bullshit that goes with it.

So, gals, here I am going to post some of the worst pickup lines that either a.) i have heard personally, or b.) that have been shared by my single friends.  Please feel free to post any of your own. I am anxious to hear from you all.

Top Ten Worst Pickup Lines…

10. “Hey, baby, wanna lock crotches and swap gravy?”

9.   “If you were a new hamburger at McDonald’s, you would be McGorgeous.”

8.   “Got two nipples for a dime?”

7.   “I may not be the best looking guy here, but I am the only one talking to you.”

6.  ”Baby, your ass is like an onion…it’s making my eyes water”

5.  ”Excuse me, I am about to go masturbate and needed a name to go with the face.”

4.  ”Excuse me, but do you give head to strangers? No? Well, then, allow me to introduce myself.”

3. “Hey! Wanna play war? You know, I lay on the ground and you blow the fuck out of me.”

2. “Let’s go to my place and do the things I’ll tell everyone we did anyway.”

And finally,  a very personal one….spoken to me with a very straight face, like I was expected to just fall in love with him right then and there, I present you with the number 1 Worst  pickup line….

1. “Baby, if we were dogs, I would sooooo be sniffing your ass right now”

And there you have it. Heard bad pickup lines? Share!

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