Wednesday, June 29, 2011

Things I've Learned As I Approach My Big 40

These past few years have brought on many revelations that I thought hoped would never be part of my life. As I approach my 40th (this December), I am sad to report that these have snuck (is this a word?) crept slowly into my life and I didn't even notice. Certainly, if I had noticed, I would've put my foot down firmly and not allowed it to happen. Yeah right...

1. My bladder isn't what it used to be. This is an understatement. What is up with having a cup of ice at bedtime, or god forbid, a Diet Dr. Pepper (a couple of hours before bed), and spending the whole night getting right to that point of a good sleep only to have your bladder wake you up? Seriously? 
  I live on the upstairs floor. The bathroom is not only downstairs, but clear on the other side of the house. Waking up to do the zombie walk to pee is not only irritating, but by the time I get back from my mile hike, I am wide awake again. I also need to add here, that I have a bathroom in our room but whoever lived up in that room before we did, not only shut off the water, but cut the water pipes so it wouldn't leak downstairs. Upon calling said people, they don't seem to have any recollection of it at all. So until I can figure it out, I guess I will continue walking five or six miles a night. Or I will just not drink anything past six pm.

2. Doing anything without my glasses on. Only in the past couple of weeks have I noticed that my reading glasses (which were meant for only reading originally) has become a regular part of my day. Whether it's watching t.v, being on the computer, or reading, if I don't have them on, I suffer greatly. I get these headaches that are right smack dab in the back of my head and it refuses to go away without some kind of pain relief and my evil glasses. I used to "try" to wear contacts. I emphasize try here because, I had no problems wearing them other than putting them in, taking them out, or getting them lined up with my eye. Other than that, we got along great. Maybe my glasses aren't so evil after all now that I've thought about it.

3. Foods that hate me. This one really crept up on me. Although I can't give an exact date, I'm pretty sure it was sometime between last week and two years ago. First off, I have Crohn's Disease. My stomach hates most food anyways. Not only does it hate anything greasy, acidic, and fried, it has moved into the territory of foods that I love, my comfort foods. 

4. Hot Flashes vs freezing. Pardon my language here. Fuck you body! I am not old enough for this shit and this one I am going to fight. I go to bed, Mr. Husband next to me needs no covers ever, he is like an oven most nights. I lay next to him, bed warmer on, cuddling up to him for his heat, and wrapped up tighter than a swaddled baby. (I am referring to last night, not December).  Once I get warm enough, I will move away from him, unwrap and turn the bed warmer off. Then BAM, all of a sudden my body decides to change it up on me. (I'm pretty sure for this next part, Mr. Husband thinks I am off my rocker) Example dialogue goes as follows...

Me - *kicking off blanket part way* "Oh my god, why did it just get so hot in here??"

Mr. Husband - "Umm it didn't just get hot in here, it's been like this all day"

Me - "Seriously, all of a sudden it feels like the room just jumped up 50 bagillion degrees. Why is it so warm?"

Mr. Husband - "You are weird. Weren't you just freezing to death? Wasn't it just you hogging every last piece of the blanket possible?"

Me - "Oh sure, bring that up. I am freaking burning up."

Mr. Husband - "Well first off, take the blanket the rest of the way off if you are so hot."

Me - "Stop bringing logic into this. You know I can't sleep without being covered up."

Mr. Husband - "Get a sheet?"

Me - "We have two fans, and the air conditioner on, I'll freeze to death."

Mr. Husband - "Then stop bitching."

Me - *glares* "I don't like you right now."

  This is where I get up, cursing and will put on shorts. As I start to drift off to sleep, I pull the blanket back up  over me and bump my bed warmer back on, and the cycle starts all over.

What things has life taught you as you've gotten older?

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