Tuesday, August 23, 2011

Conversations From Bed...Part 2

"When we last left off, Mr. Husband was attempting to convince me of ways he could die while waiting on movies to come out on Redbox and I was trying to tell him it was not going to happen...

Mr. H - "You know, there could be something worse than those three things happening to me."
Me - "Hmmm. Really?"
Mr. H - "You heard of the zombie apocalypse?"
Me - "You have got to be kidding me."
Mr. H -"Does it look like I'm joking. I could be killed."

*I look around our room at the dozens of weapons hanging on our wall that he says are just for this purpose*

Me - "How are you going to die, you told me you could live through a zombie apocalypse."
Mr. H - "I could die saving you, my beautiful, sexy wife or mom."
Me - "Why would you even try to save us, once you were dead, then they would kill us anyways."
Mr. H - "Duh. These are not acrobatic super zombies. These are the moaning, slow, mindless zombies and me fighting them would give you guys a head start. God, you are such a zombie noob."
Me - "Did you just call me a zombie noob?"
Mr. H - "If the name fits...."

*The room goes quiet and he doesn't say anything for a couple of minutes and then all of a sudden he speaks again...*

Mr. H - "You do know, I had a dream about zombie midgets killing me by throwing chemically altered chihuahuas, with fangs like this.*does a fang example with fingers* 
Me - "You couldn't outrun them too?"
Mr. H - "It wasn't in the cards. Nostradamus predicted this long ago."
Me - *snickers*
Mr. H - "It's true, I read it on Msn. And there was a study that certain music makes zombies respond in certain ways."
Me - "Oh this should be good."
Mr. H - "Well if you want to get a zombies attention, just irritate them. Anything by "The Bieb", Selena Gomez or Taylor Swift really pisses them off."
Me - "Well then, what calms them?"
Mr. H - "You know, something soothing, like Disturbed. Oh oh, or Blue Oyster Cult."
Me - "Why Blue Oyster Cult?"
Mr. H - "Duh, they need more cowbell."


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