Friday, August 26, 2011

Conversations From Bed...Part 4

Tonight, the final conclusion to our bedtime conversations...where were we? Ah yes, genetically altered lettuce...let's back up to those last few moments of the previous post, shall we?...

Me - "Should we maybe change the subject then?"
Mr. H - "Yes, to genetically altered lettuce."
Me - "What about it?"
Mr. H - "It's lettuce...that's altered...wait for it...genetically. Duh!"

Mr. H -  "And what about purple potatoes? Who the fuck eats purple potatoes? Can you imagine what the mashed potatoes from them look like? YUCK! I mean, seriously, Hawaii has their own version of this, and it's called Poi. Poi tastes like purple Spackle. Okay, Poi has no taste really."
Me - "Honey, you are a dee-da-dee and people are going to think so after reading this."
Mr. H - "Hey, I think I've gotten more intelligent since I was abducted, and NO, I was not anal probed, so don't ask, BUT, if I have any more epiphanies, I'll just blurt them out. K? And by the way, for your Pet Peeve Mondays post, could you post about people who take their babies into the movie theaters and don't keep them quiet? Those people bug me and I am thinking they need to be shot."
Me - "Yes dear."

*silence follows for a few minutes...keep in mind for this next part, our dogs were downstairs sleeping in the living room*

*Mr. H farts*

Me - "Oh my god honey. Thanks a lot for that! I mean, really?"
Mr. H - "Princess (our chihuahua) did it!"
Me - "Um honey, she's asleep downstairs, she's not in bed with us."
Mr. H - "Wow, she's like a ventriloquist, she can throw her farts!"
Me - "You need to stop before I post this in the blog too."
Mr. H - "It can be done, I read it on Msn. Check it out if you don't believe me."
Me - "That's it, it's done, I wrote it down. You are in trouble now."
Mr. H - "Whaaaat? I stopped!"
Me - "You went and made the Msn comment. You just had to get the last word in didn't you?"
Mr. H - "No I didn't. That would insinuate that I like getting the last word in."

*Mr. H dozes off*

And that is the end of our little tale for that night. He won, got the final word and fell asleep. Now you see what I live with. There is never a dull moment in my day, nor do you know what is going to come out of this man's mouth at any given time. I ask him why he doesn't do stand up comedy, he says for 2 reasons. First, he will do something like this conversation and then forget it all an hour later, and second, he can't talk in front of an audience. Well, this week, I did the talking for both of us for you all to enjoy. I love you Mr. H...thank you for the nonstop laughs my love.

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