Saturday, December 10, 2011

Things You Should Never Say/Ask Your Wife

Happy Saturday people! 15 days until Christmas, ugh. I would really rather just skip this holiday altogether and go straight to 2012. I figured it's only fair that since I did a "things you should never ask your husband" post, I will do one on things you should never ask your wife. Some of these have actually been said to me by an ex, and I will post the exact reaction I gave them. (Mr. Husband, this isn't in anyways about you, relax)

  1. "Should you really be eating more ____?" -  Asking this is likely to get you a death stare, and that's the very least of what she will do to you. Due to hormones, certain times of the month we eat more due to cravings. Just leave it alone
  2. "Is it that time of the month again already?" - Just because we are hormonal doesn't mean it's period related. Maybe you truly did something to upset us. 
  3. "Shouldn't you be making me a sandwich?" - Mr. Husband will occasionally ask me to make him a sandwich or a plate of leftovers, but only if I am going to the kitchen for myself. Normally I ask him if he would like something or vice versa. If you demand this of your wife, not only will you probably get a "Fuck off", but you may find that you are having to self serve yourself in numerous ways.
  4. "Where is my clean ____?" - Chances are, it's in the same place it always is. If you wore it recently, it's probably in the hamper, or if the wash has been done, it's where it should be. Take two seconds to check before hollering at your wife to find it for you.
  5. "All you did is stay with the kids today, it's not like you work." - This one is grounds for divorce. I've worked and I have raised children. They are both tough to do. 
  6. "Who's Your Daddy??" - Really? Who says this? "You are certainly not my daddy, and if you were, you would not have me bent over on all fours. Now, get off me, and get over yourself."
  7. "Is that what you're wearing?" - Chances are, your wife takes the time to look her best for you when going out somewhere. Be appreciative and don't belittle her. Does she say anything when you wear sports sandals and socks to your knees?
  8. "I'm tired. Can't you just blow me and I'll owe you one?" - Ohhh no, not just hell no, but fuck no. Take your lazy ass to the bathroom and rub one out. If you don't have energy to reciprocate, don't even ask. If she asks to make love, obviously she is in the mood. Your best bet would just be to plan it for another night. That is, unless she offers to do it, then it's a whole different thing.
Let's hear it people. What things have you heard or been asked that just pisses you off?

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