Sunday, July 31, 2016

It's been awhile coming...

They say when it rains it pours. I think I/we can fairly attest to this with our recent streak of luck. I mean, I can not be the only one that when something good happens, and things start looking up and everyone is feeling happy and relaxed, some freaking high power decides to knock you down a notch or fifty. At some point, you begin to wonder what exactly you did so wrong in this universe to deserve such luck. I am nice to people, I give money to those who need it (when I have money), I donate to cancer foundations (once again, money), I respect my elders, I am a damn good listener and always have a ear for anyone who needs it, and I try and put most peoples needs and wants before my own. All in all, I think I am a good person. Seriously, I keep telling myself, it has to get better, it can't be bad all the time, right? But thus far, positivity hasn't gotten me far at all. Anyways, not to sit here and complain (which I feel I have every right to freaking do), but I thought I would share some stuff that has been going on with us recently so that people understand what has been going on...

As most of you know, May 2nd, Mom had a stroke. (Mr. H's mom). Luckily, we caught it at 4 in the morning as she was stumbling around rambling and not knowing who anyone but Mr. H was. She didn't know her name, birthday, age, my name, her husbands name, our pets names, where we worked, etc (you get the picture) After about 30 minutes of arguing with her that she was going to be checked out, and a threat of calling an ambulance, she finally agreed. After another 20 minutes of her disappearing into her room to put on pants, and then forgetting to do so, multiple times, we were on our way to the ER. Even in the car, we asked her questions, like who the president was. That was a BAD question to ask because she answered with obscenity and a racial slur that I have NEVER heard out of her mouth. Let's just say it was an interesting trip to the hospital.

Once there, they put her on stroke alert because she couldn't even sign herself in, and knew no one. She did the cat scan, and saw a neurologist via webcam. She was asked to identify pictures, and her answer was everything they pointed at was a shoe. Needless to say, she ended up in ICU for 4 days and one day on the normal floor. She did, throughout the week, manage to get most of her memory back. It was a hemorrhagic stroke (a brain bleed). I found out towards the end, had we let her go back to sleep and not brought her in, she would've gone full stroke and more than likely, would not have woken up.

Once home, she was still struggling with certain words or trying to figure out what to call certain things. She still does this. Fast forward to a week later a doctors appointment and a trip to the neurologist and she is suffering from headaches still. They tell her to take tylenol only, although the hospital gave her permission to have hydrocodone, her doctor refused to give it to her, and would tell her just to take more tylenol.

She was off work for 5 weeks (I think), and was able to go back right before summer camp started at the end of June/beginning of July. She was still suffering from the headaches, but they had cleared her to take ibuprofen and to go back to work full time. The headaches continued through July, with her popping pain reliever every time I turned around it seemed.

The last week of summer camp, the headaches got really bad, and she freaked out saying they were bad like they were the night of the stroke. Back to the ER we go. They do another stroke alert, another cat scan, etc etc and they finally think the headaches are coming from migraines. That of course started after the first stroke. They give her tramadol and send her home, telling her to see her doctor in a couple of days. We go back to the doctor, he gives her this new drug (9 pills) that have a co-pay of $25. If she had to pay full price, those 9 pills were $305. Are you kidding me?? He tells her to take them only if she gets the double or blurred vision. Other than that, take Excederin Migraine when her head starts to hurt. What they didn't tell her was that she shouldn't take more than a couple a day or that she shouldn't take them longer than a few days. If the headaches kept going, she needed to go back to the hospital. (They told us at the ER she should have been given a daily pill to prevent the migraines in the first place, not a pill to take now and again)

 On the 28th, the day I took my Humira shot (this plays a big part of what happened that night) she woke up and her fingers and part of her hand on the left side were numb. She thought maybe she slept on them wrong and didn't say anything more until later. Throughout the day, her hand and then her arm also went numb and was overly heavy. We were sitting at dinner, and Mr. H made her raise both hands to compare them, she lifted the left hand for about 5 seconds before it dropped into her plate of food. Come to find out, it had been that way most of the day, and her leg was starting to do the same thing. Guess where we went?? Ding ding, back to the ER. Stroke alert number 3.

They did the cat scan, did the neurologist, then decided to keep her overnight for observation and do the MRI the following morning. They were trying to establish whether it was stroke or what they call complex migraines, which is a migraine that mimics stroke symptoms. The next day, I had an appointment with my doctor and we waited on mom to call us. She called at some point saying they had done the MRI, a echo cardiogram, and they were going to do an ultrasound on her neck to watch the blood flow through the veins. When all was said and done, she had not had migraines, she had actually suffered several small strokes from the time of the first stroke until that day. They put her on an aspirin regimen of 325 mg a day, and told her to follow up with her Doctor again. They sent her home that night.

 So this is where we are with her now. She has not followed up yet as it has only been one day. I will make her appointments Monday for her to see her "doctor" (we want her to switch to a new one) and find out where to go from here. She is off work again of course. She has to start physical therapy for her arm and hand, I am off work to help take care of her. I have called in a friend to help out because I will be the first to admit that I just can not do it on my own anymore.

The night I took her to the hospital, was also the day I did the stomach injection. Now only a few people know this, but when I take this shot, it makes me ill. It makes me exhausted, it makes me miserable. My doctor has prescribed me phentermine to help keep me awake on those days because without it, I will sleep 15-19 hours for the next three to four days. I had taken my shot after midnight, then took my pills when I got up (I was up and down all night as the shot makes my stomach muscles hurt) and then the ER trip happened. So by 10 that night, sitting in the ER, I was falling asleep quickly. Once I found out she was staying, I called my sister in law to come sit with her so I could come home and rest.

 This next part, I would not normally write about because I don't like airing my laundry over the internet, but I need to talk through it still because I am not even sure how it all happened. I drove myself home, trying not to fall asleep at the wheel. Mr. Hubby and my kiddo would do better to tell this next part, because I will be honest in saying that I am not even sure how it all went down. (On top of crohn's, I have IBS, fibromyalgia, and rheumatoid arthritis) My memory is honestly not doing so well these days. I can't tell you what started the argument between me and the daughter, I honestly and whole heartedly don't remember. All I know is she gave me this look, and that was my breaking point and I flew out of my chair and into her face. (I wasn't going to hit her, I have never hit her, no matter how mad she makes me)

Well Mr. H, thinking I was, started yelling at me, I don't remember what was yelled, just that he was demanding that I sit down and I then saw black. I remember picking up my computer chair and slamming it into the ground multiple times, I turned my attention fully on him and I went off the deep end. Words were yelled between us, some pretty nasty stuff, he then threw a computer chair, I threw keys at him, he threw all my stuff of the side desk, it was an all out screaming match. We have never ever ever in the 8 years we have been together, we have never fought like this. Sure we argue, what couple doesn't. But I was in full rage mode. It takes me a LOT to get to that mode, and I'm talking months, sometimes years of bottling up my anger and swallowing it. Not a lot of people has seen this side of me. It is not a side I am proud of, and as a young kid and teenager, I had severe anger/temper issues. I was actually hospitalized for over a month for it. I do my best to never let it get that far. But it was my shot day, mom was in the hospital, we had no idea what was going on, the daughterkins giving me that hateful look just set me off.

 *I had to stop here and go in and ask Mr. H to remind me what happened because I can not for the life of me recall. It started before dinner with me over hearing something, not being told the truth, fuming through dinner, leaving the table when Mr. H and mom were arguing over the hospital trip, and then fuming all the way to the ER, all night as I sat there, and once I got home, I just blew up. Also, he interfered not because he thought I was going to hit her, but because she looked like she was about to have a complete meltdown.*

Of course, it's two days later, I have made amends with the daughter and I made up with Mr. H that same night after there was a HUGE misunderstanding over something he stated to me. I am still leery as to what will happen in the future, but I have given her a website to read, hopefully this helps her to make some right choices instead of going in blindly and not thinking things through. I am still exhausted from the shot, the phentermine doesn't do shit, I slept 12 hours straight last night for the first time in a few nights.

I woke up this morning, mom was making herself breakfast, she was trying to scramble eggs and spilled them everywhere, so I made her breakfast and a drink, put gas in the car, got an extension cord, bought some stuff for the house and was worn out from just that little bit. Hopefully I will be better tomorrow, but no guarantees as I slept for 12 hours last night, and now I am still wide awake at almost 1 in the morning.

So yeah, this is where we are now. Hopefully things can only go up from here because I could use just a little breather. I will be honest, I am sore, I am exhausted and with everything going on, I have this tendency to put my own well being after everyone else's. Yeah, I know I shouldn't. But mom has her strokes, Mr. H has his surgery coming up (he was finally all cleared), his test results were pretty good except his white blood cell count is 15k. Not a good thing and we aren't sure why. He is worried and a little scared. And my baby girl is very pregnant, very confused on what to do about certain things, and needs guidance. And my yearly exam was abnormal again. It's been over what, 15 years now, at least. I just wish they would give me a damn hysterectomy instead of all the invasive stuff they want to do. I have no immune system on these meds I am on, I am still healing from a cold I caught up at camp 2 weeks ago. I don't heal very well nor do I heal quickly. I am just fucking tired. 

Anyhow, that is it for now I guess. I just needed to get this down before I forgot and this way, I have a sort of timeline for things. I hope you all are having a great weekend! Feel free to drop me a comment, let me know it's being read, or just a cheerful hi would make me happy.


  1. Hi hon!! I hope things get better for you. I am thinking of you and sending good thoughts :)

  2. Sending positive vibes your way!! I hope everything turns out well for all involved...