Thursday, August 4, 2016

I Am Struggling...

This may come off as a little scatterbrained and if so, I want to apologize in advance. I am having a rough time tonight, having a rough time keeping my cool. I am trying to take care of the house, trying to take care of mom since the hospital, trying to help get Mr. Hubby ready for his surgery on the 26th, and I suffer from Crohn's, IBS, Fibromyalgia and possibly Rheumatoid Arthritis. On top of this, I have suffered from what was once was called manic depression, now called major depression, along with minor ocd, and anxiety. I take a injection in my stomach every two weeks and because of those shots, I have to take a form of speed called phentermine (which only works half the time) A week ago, I slept most of the time for 4 days straight, while on that med. I take 13 pills every morning and at night, if in pain or having muscle spasms, I take flexiril, or hydrocodones...if absolutely needed. Every month or month and a half, my doctor gives me these prescriptions, 90 count of each in case I need them every 8 hours. I never do, I only take them during the day if the pain is unbearable, and normally by the end of the day, I am in pain, so I will take one depending on the form of pain before my hot bath and bed time. I was on steroids for months, and the lower back spasms caused the curve in my lower spine to straighten out.  I am saying all this because it leads up to my newest problem...

Okay, so my daughter moved out here on March 2nd this year. Her and her boyfriend. Both were so high on weed most days that they couldn't keep their eyes open at the dinner table. Once they ran out, and neither of them had a job, they couldn't smoke weed anymore. Also, it needs to be known that my daughter came out here, trying to get clean from opiates, among other things.  She knew I had pills, and occasionally she would ask for something to help her sleep, or something for bad pain, like when her tooth broke off. And I would give in and give her something because I know what it is like to live in pain. But it wasn't often. Mom has been having tremors, long before she had her first stroke in may, they gave her a prescription for ativan, which is a benzo. Another pill my daughter seemed to have a problem with. Last month she got 60, which was 2 a day for 30 days, 2 weeks in, all her pills were gone. She thought it was the pharmacy, I will be honest in thinking it was her. My daughter heard us talking and was like, count them next month and write down the date and the amount she got. Forward to July 25th, I picked up mom's new prescription. I brought them home, counted them, there were 60. I wrote in my calendar on that date the amount she had. Yesterday, the 2nd, all of moms anxiety pills are gone. Count how many days that is from the 25th. 8.5 days. Mom was taking one at night and one in the morning, so 17 pills. That is 43 pills gone. I ask mom if she is sure she is not taking more than the 2 a day. She starts crying and swearing she isn't. Okay, so I sit and ponder for a bit.

While thinking about this, I also remember just this week, that I had gotten a prescription for my Hydrocodones on the 17th of July. 90 pills. I had an appt the 29th and my doctor said I was good on all med refills until the 20th. I came home, and remembered that just last week, I brought up how I seemed to be missing a bunch of my hydros. I started with 90. By the 27th or 28th (10/11 days) I counted them and was down in the low 40s. 41 to be exact. That is 49 pills gone. I cant tell you what day I did or did not take something for pain. But there is no way in hell, taking them even 3x a day would be 49 pills gone. Seeing that I only take them at bed, when needed, there was no way there should have been 49 missing. The last prescription I had for them was in March, and I went all the way until July 17th without needing a refill. So 4 months before they were gone.

Now back to mom's Ativan. I have no need for her pills, I have my own Ativan for anxiety. Mr. Hubby has no need for her pills as he takes Klonopin for his anxiety. So that leaves who?

I took Dave to his therapy appt yesterday and was talking this out, trying to figure out what to do. And he admits to me that he caught her in my locked desk drawer after dinner the other night claiming to have been looking for something to help her sleep. She begged him not to tell me as she was supposedly scared I was going to kick her out. *I moved all mine and Johns meds into a locked drawer in my computer desk so that whatever was going on, would stop*

I get home, and am about to confront her and Dave tells her he is sorry but that he told me about her being in my medication drawer. So I ask her about moms pills. And I told her she better not lie to me.
She admitted to seeing moms purse inside her door when she let her cat into her room, and she took like 10 pills. 10....out of 43. I told her to try again, how many had she taken, she stated she thought it was 10, could've been more. Okay so lie number 1, and confession number 1. I then turn my attention to my missing pain pills. And I am getting pissed and trying to stay seated in my chair, when she admits to being in them too. I asked her when and how many. She said when she was in the room watching movies with Mr. Hubby, if he would leave the room, she would get in my bedside table and take them but she didn't know how many. Okay, confession number 2.

So I call Mr. Hubby in and he already has a feeling what is going on, and he lights into her. Here is the problem, she is just 15 weeks pregnant. Which means, she has been taking these pills the whole pregnancy. The whole god damned pregnancy. With little to no concern obviously to her unborn child who wasn't even fully formed yet. She lost my grand daughter to drug use, and my grandson as well. He is being adopted by a family friend. Now this. I am stuck, I am at a loss at what to do here.

Her man is in Wyoming, she kicked him out after finding 118 texts between him and his ex. He lied, then finally came clean. She kicked him out, the next day we put him on a greyhound. He was skipping out on his rent to us and buying a hundred dollars worth of weed and bringing it into our home. Since he's been gone, he has lied to her numerous times. And she keeps talking about how she wants to move out there but she doesn't because she's confused about her feelings. She believes in second chances. Well this is like his fifth chance. I showed her a website about emotional abuse, she broke down and cried and out of like 15 signs, 10 were things he did. Would you want to be with this guy?  Well of course she does, he will get her drugs.  I am giving her opportunity to raise her kid in a healthy environment, to let her get schooling so if she does go back to the piece of shit and he leaves her like he did his fiancee and 2 kids (to be with her no less), well then she will have a way to support herself.

I thought her being here was getting her clean when in all actuality, she's been lying to me this whole time. At the end of the month, one of her exes that I actually liked is paying for her to go back to Kansas for 2 weeks to see her kids. I will be honest in saying that I think she is going to end up right back on the opiates. The father of her first two kids was dealing it and supplying her with them. If not him, his parents were doing the same thing, making money off their meds they get for their disabilities. She admitted to taking 30 hydros at once one night, and trying heroin. I am not sure what all she has done. She is blaming it on being depressed, she knows no one here, she hates sleeping alone, etc etc excuse after fucking excuse. This is killing me inside, this has sent me into a flareup, my stomach hurts sooo bad, I eat, I suffer the rest of the night, no matter what I eat. I can't sleep well. And she doesn't seem to care.

So all this happened yesterday. Tonight Dave is doing a live stream on twitch. Mr. Hubby and I were napping (see above not sleeping well) and he knocks on the door to tell me Mr. Hubbys sister is here and he needs a gate key to let her in. (sorry this is so long winded) Then I find out she has been hinting to him about going to a town called Mentone for a few hours to hang out with her boyfriends friend from work. (its a guy, and he has pot all the damn time) So I confront her again, she messages me saying she just wants to hang out with someone outside the house. I ask what about the pot and she's like yeah that too, but mainly to hang out with someone. And not only that but she wants to borrow money to catch a cab home afterwards. There are no cabs here, or in yucaipa, or mentone. She would have to get the one service that goes from redlands to here. I said okay, and how much do you think that would be, she guesses $10.  Keep in mind, I find out it's actually in Redlands, so it's 9-15 miles depending on where he is. And she guesses $10? While the sister is here she keeps hinting at someone buying her soda, and then cigarettes, and so on, all the while slurring her speech. After the sister leaves, I confront her again. She told me she had no pills left to give back. I ask her what she took...(I know you all don't know these places by the way, but I am typing it as I remember it, thanks for bearing with me) She claims she took nothing. She has been up since 9 am and is just overly "tired". So I let it go.

After a while I get a message on facebook while I am trying to write this...and this is what she states to me...

Honestly, I'm a offended by what you said to me before you left to go to 7/11..
I hope that doesn't piss you off, but that really hurt my feelings. And sorry if that pisses you off.
are you purposely trying to make me yell at you?
you were fine at dinner, and then all of a sudden, you are slurring your words and everyone has commented on it, and your eyes are all half closed, so pardon me if I question you
And you arent going to make me feel bad for it. You stole pills from us. I asked if you had any left, you told me no, I am finding that hard to believe. For all the pills you stole from the last two weeks, and they are all gone?? I have a hard time believing that too
sorry if that pisses you off
and god damnit, if you have something to say to me, walk your ass down here instead of hiding behind a damn screen
I don't have any left. I told you that. I am just extremely exhausted and you don't believe me. So I'm sorry. I'm just going to bed.
I don't want to piss you off anymore. I don't want to get yelled at anymore.
you act like I yell at you all the time. And I thought I was pretty cool until yesterday. If I yelled about jonathan, i did not mean to, i get excited and I raise my voice
but i think i have been pretty calm throughout this mess
Yes you have. And I'm sorry. Good night.

Okay, so do you see my dilemma? I am seriously at the end of my ropes with this child. She is 23 years old, 15 weeks pregnant with her third child, we keep telling her if she has the baby here, they will drug test her and it, and if there are drugs, the baby will be removed from her. I have no fucking clue on what I am supposed to do. Please don't tell me NA. AA and NA are both religious based groups and I am not a religious person at all. Prayer is not the answer to this problem. Anyone have any ideas, it would be extremely helpful. I am about to lose my shit on this girl, and I am not sure I can stop it this time...

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