Tuesday, May 16, 2017

When I Look at You...Dear Mr. Hubby

I heard this today, and it seemed so fitting for how I am feeling right now.

Dear Mr. Hubby,

  Our lives, right now, seem to be falling down around us. I know you are hurting, I know you are sad. I know there is nothing I can do but be here for you. But they say, everything happens for a reason, when one door closes, another opens, etcetera. When you are at your darkest, please know, that I need you and can't imagine one single day without you in my life. I don't ever want there to be a time where I have to live without you in my life. You made me realize there are good and decent men out there, and you helped me change for the better, at least I think so. And when it comes down to it, that is all that matters. You get me, I get you, I would never try to change the quirky person you are. I don't love you for what you can or can't do for me, I love you simply because of the person you are. I love you because with you, I can be just me.

   The house falling apart, bills piling up, animals driving us nuts, mom in her moods...all of this will pass. We have gotten through this for all these years, we are going to get through this time too. When we got together, you knew I had Crohn's. Now we are slowly finding out that there is so much more wrong with my health. The situation is not funny, I know, but the little jokes about finding me someone to wipe my ass when that time comes, even though they are just that, jokes, somewhere inside, I know you are here for me. I have been lost in my own thoughts lately, and at some point, while I hope it never comes to this, if you ever feel that it is too much for you to handle, I would understand. I cry as I write this because just the thought of that hurts me so much, but I would understand and deal with it. But then somewhere deep down, something pulls me back and reassures me that you are not going anywhere.

   You are so much more to me than I think you know. You are my laughter, you are my smiles, you are my heart...and I love you so much that I can't just simply write it out because there are not enough words in our language to properly express how much I do love you. If I could take away your pain, hurt and sadness, I would at the drop of a hat. To think of you hurting hurts me. It has to get better at some point, right? I know I keep saying it, but in saying it, then I believe it. And we all need something to believe in. And I believe, in my heart of hearts, that this will all pass, and we will find the happiness that you deserve. I want you to know, that no matter what I am behind you 150% times infinity. No matter where our journey takes us, I am always here for you. I love you Mr. Hubby...

                                                                                   Your wifey

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